This is a picture of my spina bifida child. There is so much joy in her.
God has a purpose for your pain. A reason for your struggles, and a reward for you being faithful. Don’t give up. Amen
I do not know who said the above, but I believe it. I have seen the pain my daughter endured. I have endless pain and can not take many medications that are given to us by the doctors. But I do know that I have a loving God. Yesterday I experienced God filling my heart to the point that I thought my chest would split wide open. As I mention in “Enter The Throne Room of God” I completely forgot to ask God to heal me. All I could do was cry tears of love. Now during this time with the Lord, there was no pain. But there was pain after the time with God. When I went to my Bible Study last night (Bible Study Fellowship)., I was in pain and was shaking when I arrived at my classroom. I did not notice when it all stopped. One of the ladies mentioned that I was not shaking. There was a lot of joy in that room for our Lord Jesus. We talked about it for a moment. One may not know if someone is watching you. You may be an inspiration to others. You may be an answer to someone’s prayer. That is why I must trust God while enduring endless pain.
There are so many in this world that suffers endless physical pain. And just as many suffering emotionally, mental and spiritual pain. This is the main reason I started this blog. My Hope is that by sharing things in my life, it may help others find courage. It helps to know that you are not the only one suffering. You are never alone. Jesus can be with you.
What do you say to the God of all? What do you say to the God you love? What do you say to the Creator of all things? What do you say to a presence of Love when it is unfolding within you. What do you say to the one that broke down your walls to save you? What do you say to the beauty of God’s Love which heals your soul and spirit?
I know many do not understand these things. Even Christians may not understand. I only know if you endure these things, Jesus will reward you. But we do not do things for a reward. We do things to prove to the world and the heavens that no matter what happens, we love our Lord Jesus. (Ephesians 3:10) Let everyone see You in me.
I will lift my eyes to you, my Lord. In my pain, I will rest in Your loving arms. Even Your shadow brings comfort. Council me while I sleep (Psalm 16:7). Let Your mercy always be upon me. Open my heart and show me Your will. I surrender my will to You. Help me to live in Your will. Give me the courage to fulfill your will. Forgive me of all my sins so that you may fill and live in my heart for an eternity. I was lost and you found me. Thank you my Lord Jesus.
Such sweet courage.
I have seen this child curled up on the floor crying in pain. I have seen her when a sheet on the bed caused her pain. I remember her saying, “God knows what He is doing. I remember the car spinning and spinning and heading for an overpass and she cried out “Jesus Save Us Now.” In an instant, Jesus did save us. It was like he took the car and parked it on the side of the road. Precious memories to praise God.
Beloved, do you know what courage looks like? I don’t know how to teach others about courage, especially children. In my case, it was some of my children that showed me what courage should look like. One might say that courage comes from trusting God, but I believe it goes further than just trusting God. A heart and a spirit must be close to the Spirit of God. I do not know if it is a person drawing near to God or if God pulls one close to Himself or both. I believe God must plant courage in a person.
In a matter of three weeks, my child with Spina Bifida had her first surgery and we found out that my oldest daughter had cancer. My child with spine problems was a perfect patient for the first day. After surgery, she would not take any medicine. I think the Lord let us know why. The last thing she remembered was taking some medicine, and did not remember anything about going to surgery. Now, she did not feel good. After we explained things to her, she was back to her courageous self. After 7 days we checked out of the hospital. We stopped at a store to get her some different PJ’s. The ones we had was difficult getting off and on because of the surgery. At one point, my husband came to me and said we had to go. He showed me a wire that was sticking out of her bandages. It scared me. My husband called the hospital and they told us not to worry.
The following week my oldest daughter started to have severe pain. I took her to the doctor. He did not know what was happening. I don’t remember what he prescribed. The following weekend was Easter. We went to church. She started to see double. Monday I contacted the doctor and she was admitted to the hospital. After x-rays were taken, he saw something in her lungs, on her liver and something in the spine and brain. She was transferred to the Children’s Hospital. We were told she had cancer and had about six months to live. I witnessed courage in the faces of my children. I experienced God’s strength.
This is yet another time I felt that stabbing pain in my heart (other times are mentioned in other articles). It was God that gave me the strength to endure the next 18 months. There were five times that I had both of these children in the hospital at the same time. Plus the endless other times we had to be there. The children’s hospital was just beginning its progress forward. There were no chairs one could rest on. The chairs were hard plastic chairs found in cafeterias I had a pillow and a sheet to help me sleep on the floor and now and then under her bed. That first visit was for three weeks long. When you have a team of doctors, they do not always agree. Many things had to be sorted out.
The nurses, doctors or God would put us in a room when parents needed help to cope and help with their emotions. I assume that were the reasons. Only once did I ask for us to be in a different room. It was with a little girl that would die that night. I even heard a nurse talk to the mother saying that she could go home because there was nothing she could do. I am thankful that my husband was there. He would help our daughter and I would help the other little girl. She needed her mother. After hours of this, is when I asked them to move us. It was hard, but I did not want my daughter watching this little girl die. I did not leave this little girl with no one. A nurse came and stayed with her.
I do believe that God gave us strength and maybe by helping others, we did not just focus on our problems. The Lord raised us up above our problems and had us love these other children. Some of them will always be in my heart. One was a little girl that was 18 months old. The same age as my youngest daughter. I talked to the nurse The nurse said that her grandmother brought her to the hospital and left. She expected her to die. I do not really know what righteous anger is, but I felt anger that this precious child was left to die. I decided that would not happen on my watch. She did not die.
A question for times like these is, “What does God want me to do and be God’s hands. Can my heart show God’s love in these situations.? “Many times, there were not many words said. I still remember the eyes of many of these children, especially the one that did not make it. I saw the 18-month-old child a year later and she looked well. Of course, she wasn’t, but she had life in her eyes.
There was a baby that had a heartbreaking situation. The dad had thrown him up against the wall. I told the nurses that they needed to give me the baby, so he would never be hurt again. I don’t remember if I said anything else. That evening or the next day, I went to get a drink and I noticed that 4-5 of my daughter’s doctors were headed toward our room. When you get that many doctors coming your way, something is wrong. I have seen this before. I can make a list of what generates this stance, One time it was me. They said they were going to bar me from the Medical Library. All was well with my daughter. It was me. They wanted to talk to me about the baby. They told me that I did not need this baby because I had enough on my plate. I just listened.
We had to go to the hospital every four weeks and would go back when problems arose So there were many children that needed Christ’s love, My only regret was that I was not a mature Christian. I could have done more.
I told you some of my experiences for one reason. No matter your situation, you can be the hands and heart of Jesus no matter if you are a baby Christian or a mature Christian. Pray and look where Jesus needs to express His love through you. Jesus will strengthen you for you know Jesus. Most of the parents at the hospital did not know Jesus. All the children were precious to Jesus.
We are to show the love of Jesus to whomever God puts in our path. John13:34-35 and Matthew 5:43-45
Matthew 13:34-35 (NAS) “A new commandment, I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this, all men will know that you are my disciples if you have loved one another.
Matthew 5:43-48 (NAS) You have heard that it was said, “You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you in order that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the righteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax-gathers do the same. And if you greet your brothers only, what do you do more than others? therefore you are to be perfect, as your Heavenly Father is perfect. So we are to love everyone and pray for those God puts in our life. Then there is the last verse which calls us to be perfect. No one is without sin but we are to be moving forward toward maturity. We are to strive to be perfect.
When my daughter died from cancer, I was approached by those that were touched by her. I did not know how she continued to help even with her cancer growing so fast throughout her body. She still cared for others and helped them. This one lady that lived at the end of our road told me that this daughter had the maturity of an adult. The lady said that she had lost her baby. My daughter helped her through her depression. I was not told by my daughter what she was doing. My daughter turned 13 in the hospital when we first found out about her cancer. She was fourteen and a half to the day when she died. When did she become so wise?
As I said earlier, God kept us busy at the hospital to help us to focus on Him. Looking back I wished I had understood more about rising above our problems. You rise above them by focusing on Christ. Jesus was so gentle with us. When people thought times were bad, there were good times. There was the light of Jesus. People became stronger. Some were going through problems. Some people accepted Christ as their Savior.
The Lord kept us from pity. To pity yourself and want others to feel sorry for you is not how Christ wants you to respond. Yes, there may be days that you feel down. A person is exhausted and somewhat in shock at times. Again, the Lord kept us busy.
The week before our daughter died, my husband was at his job as an electrician. He was working 20-feet up on a ladder. All the wires were supposed to be dead. They were not. He knocked himself off the wire by hitting his hand with a wrench. He layed on the floor for 20 minutes before anyone came back to that part of the plant. They called me when he got to the hospital. I could not leave because the daughter with cancer thought she was upside down when she got out of the bed. I had to find someone to take care of her and be by her when I left. I got to my husband when the surgery was over and he was awake. I did not know what had happened until then. The next day, I had to take my daughter to the Children’s Hospital about 60 miles away. Two days later he was with me and our daughter. So he was there when she died.
The winter that followed was filled with sick children. One child would bring some virus home and it would go through all the children. When the last one would be well, someone would bring something else home. This happened throughout the winter. To add to this, my husband’s wrist would not heal. They decided to have him be hooked to a machine that produced electrical impulses to mimic the brain telling the wrist to heal.
The Lord took care of us financially. About two or three weeks after my husband had his accident, most of the factory shut down. Since his accident happened before the shutdown, his workman’s comp paid us 70% of his pay. When summer arrived, we decided we were going to travel, The doctors said he could travel just as long he stayed hooked up to the machine for his broken wrist for about 15 hours a day. So we got something for the car to keep a charge on the machine. This was a special time. We traveled for 5 weeks. My husband bought me a new camera, so I got to record our journey. Now, this was before digital cameras. We had film that had to be sent off and developed. This was a very special time for all of us.
God was with us through all of our problems. If you praise God through hard times, you will rise above your problems. If you do not, then you allow your problems to make you a victim. You must focus on Christ, keep praying and praise God. God can take an insignificant thing and make it powerful. God knows how to make your life have an impact.
When my spina bifida child was 16, she had to have another surgery. The doctors let her pain get out of control. The sheet would cause her pain when it was laid on her. I said something like I was sorry that I could not do anything to help her. What she said to me made a lasting impact on me. I will always remember her words. She said, “God knows what He is doing.” I went to the window and looked out of it. I did not want her to see my tears. I have said those words to myself so many times. Those words have carried me through many trails.
God knows when you are angry at a situation or with someone, especially to other Christians. Remember when Saul was on the road to Damascus, and what Jesus said to Saul? In Acts 9:4 Jesus says, “Saul, Saul why are you persecuting Me?” Jesus knows everything and how you react to things and what your motives are in your heart. Jesus did not ask why he was persecuting His children. He asked why he was persecuting Him. So what we do to other Christians, we do to Jesus. If you focus on Christ during times of trouble, you can walk in peace and your eyes and ears will be opened. People will not understand how you can manage to be calm. You will walk in peace that surpasses all understanding. As a Christian who is walking in the will of God, you will have difficulties. You must make a choice to not let these difficulties crush you.
Who is the most effective witness for Christ? The one that has accepted Jesus as their Savior. Have you accepted Jesus as your Savior? If you choose Jesus Christ, you can be empowered and carry peace within you. Praise and Thank God that you can live in heaven for eternity. In heaven, there is no sickness or tears
This is an Easter Picture taken one day before my cancer daughter went into the hospital, She is sitting on my mother’s left. My spinal Bifida child has her fingers in her mouth. The baby is my youngest child.
